Q: Who, pray tell, is Caledonia?
A: Caledonia is Gwen and Stephen’s youngest chick. She had a difficult hatch, which required extracting her from the nest branches and removing the egg shell that had dried on her. She got a nasty bump on the head as well. After a day in an incubator, she had to go back to the nest as she lacked the necessary bacteria to rev up her digestive system that only her parents could transmit during feeding. She managed to hold her own back in the nest and was pulled a couple of weeks later for hand raising.
Q: Has she suffered any ill-effects from her rocky start in life?
A: No. She appears to be the standard product of millions of years of crow evolution, displaying instinctive behaviors such as caching, cawing, beak rubbing, preening, and marching up and down computer keyboards.
Q: What are her favorite activities?
A: Consuming mice (with the tails removed because otherwise that would be gross), guarding the stairs, watching Project Runway, and have a nice snooze after a productive session of “get into everything.”
Q: If crows are so smart, what can she do?
A: Step up on the glove, take walks on a leash, and come when she hears a whistle.
Q: Does she have any bad habits?
A: Uh, did I mention she’s a crow? Let’s start with head-jumping, hair-pulling, food spewing, protest-cawing, and toe-pecking. The good news is that she’s a corvid, so she has learned very quickly she shouldn’t do any of these things. The bad news is that she has the personality of a four-year-old, so she insists on doing them anyway.
Q: Are there things she doesn’t like?
A: Dog food, bedtime (see illustration for favorite evasive tactics), and car rides.
Q: What is the next step for her?
A: Unclear. Several buyers have shown interest in her but the deals have fallen through for reasons related to finance, transport, etc.
Q: Can you just keep her?
A: Not if I want to stay married to Minion Man.
Q: Can I do anything to help?
A: If you know anyone whose life-long dream has been to serve a pied crow’s every whim, tell them this is their chance.
Disclaimer: All references to Caledonia’s gender are guaranteed to be 50 percent accurate.