Dear Humans,

Room Service Woman has goofed again. This time she somehow acquired a juvenile American crow which she inexplicably brought into our territory (or close proximity—we believe the creature is in the house). This peasant has a broken shoulder. Not only is she useless, but she will be around six weeks or so for healing, physical therapy, and reconditioning. Needless to say that is a lot of time for us not to be the absolute center of the local corvid world.

The only solution that we can see is to give this bird the best possible care so that she heals as quickly as possible and goes back to where she came from. If you have any inclination to help get rid of this intruder, you can help with its care through this gofundme account. Or you can just join us in glowering. We’d appreciate the support.

Here are some photos of the interloper. The ridiculous creature has its wings secured against its body with masking tape. She also has a very unladylike appetite (11 pinkie mice in one day is absurd).

What more can we say? Our trials are without end.

Regards,

Stephen Crowbert & Gwen